Okay, first the rant: OPC, or Other People’s Children.

Maybe it’s in part because I’ve been observing other people’s children with none of my own to cherish that I notice this stuff and irks me so. I like to think it’s because I do not subscribe to certain permissive methods of child rearing.

So, when you bring your children into a public, professional setting such as a BANK, you don’t let them run circles around each other and let out ear-piercing, blood-curdling screams of delight and laughter whilst they annoy the other patrons.

I couldn’t believe this lady. She sat there trying to talk logic to her 5-year old who thought it was hilarious to chase her toddler sister and make her scream. And my throat clearing and nasty glare didn’t seem to sink in much. And you can bet her children knew that and amped up the running and chasing and screaming and you could tell they thought they were being pretty cute.

You don’t talk logic to children in situations like that. This is when the word NO comes in real handy and it needs to be delivered in a clear message. And if they can’t handle that, they need to be escorted out of the room, restaurant, what have you until they’re ready to listen to Mommy. Honestly, what is so difficult about that? Are you afraid to teach your children boundaries? Are you afraid to teach your children that sometimes we need to use the Inside Voice? Are you afraid to teach your children to be polite and respectful and understand from an early age that the world does not revolve around them?

Maybe because I live in Kaliforn-i-ay but I have seen so many obnoxiously out-of-control children in stores and restaurants. And for some reason, now that I’m pregnant, I find them — or the parents rather — even more annoying. It’s really not the children’s fault, of course. They’re relying on the adults for rules and boundaries and clearly they’re not getting them. But I just wonder what happens to these children when they grow up. I understand not wanting to repeat awful childhoods and poor parenting… but going to the other extreme is just as bad.

When we went in for our nuchal transparency scan last week, it was the same thing. A pregnant mother, her husband and their 5-ish daughter. Talking in their Living Room Voices — all of them — in a waiting room where everyone else was doing their best to be discreet, etc. Like I want to know how pregnant you are? Or that you think this Orange Frosty recipe would be great and what do you think, honey? This woman also called her husband ‘Daddy.’ It was just plain weird and as her daughter was particularly beautiful, I couldn’t help wondering if there wasn’t a little Oedipal storm brewing. Heaven help them, I grew up with one of those (my oldest sister, my mother and my father) and it wasn’t pretty. And it turned my sister into a monster, to say the least.

The world feels like a crazy place, many a day, and getting crazier by the minute. And I have to tell you, I think certain parents aren’t helping much.

***

So enough of the ranting… the cat is out of the bag. I called my brother the afternoon of our scan last week. The DH told the BIl/SIL. He was on the fence about telling already but as he also decided not to attend the wedding in Paris at the end of this month, he decided that this would be a good reason on top of the fact that we simply do not have the cash it would take to fly him over there and stay in a hotel for a week. Not the mention that he actually really doesn’t like going back there. Italy, no problem, especially if I’m in tow… but not so much his homeland.

My brother’s reaction was disappointing. One of his first questions was ‘how is your health?’ which I think basically meant ‘can you do this at 44/45?’ Gee, thanks. I do love him, and I know he means well, but he can be such a total clod when it comes to being supportive. I sent him the scan jpg and I got a short reply in return. He did say that it was ‘wonderful’ and ‘great news’… but his heart didn’t seem in it. I don’t know if it was the DE factor or what, but it was pretty disappointing.

We did discuss how I’m going to break this to the rest of my family, and if I even wanted to. I do want to, but I think I will simply send them a birth announcement. I always, always, always want to type ‘assuming we get there’ after sentences like that. But lately, I’ve been refraining. Come hell or high water, I’ve got to stay positive. I’ve come to realize that constant worry is a big part of parenthood, so I’d better get used to it. I don’t want to be a ‘nervous nelly’ mother and it’s really not my style. So… I’ll let them know when the baby gets here. It’s very sad,  but there is just not relationship there. I love them, but they are so toxic and dysfunctional and wounding. If I got the comments above from the brother I do get along with… you can only imagine what those characters could dish out. There’s lots of crazy families out there. Mine is crazy AND mean. So I’m not setting myself up for that. It saddens me so much to think that my child will not have relationships with them, or their children. But I know it is for the best.

We also told our accountant and health insurance broker, as a baby has implications in both areas. Our accountant in particular was very happy as he had seen the many, many medical bills and fruitless attempts at getting any of this written off (so f*cking unfair!!!) in the past few years. A few years ago we learned that he and his wife also played the Infertility Game. They opted to go straight to adoption, and what a time they had of it. Anyway, he gets our pain… and now, our joy.

The BIL/SIL were actually pretty wonderful. Sent us an email the next day with congratulations and that they were hoping for the best for us and how excited they were to think that they’re baby could have a cousin very soon. They said that if we needed anything, anything at all, not to hesitate to call or write. Now THAT is what you want to hear from a relative. I don’t know what is going to happen with us – meaning me, DH, BIL and SIL – but wouldn’t it be funny if we ended up being wonderful friends and close. Not going to get my hopes up, but I sure wish it could be so.

We did a video conference with them and they held up the baby. So, so, so beautful he is. So perfect. And he’s a happy baby. Not all babies are, it’s very interesting. But this one just radiates happiness and contentment and that all is right with the world.

Babies give us hope. Babies remind us that we were once untainted, unscarred, unafraid and so willing to trust and be open. Babies are cool. Can’t wait to meet mine!